Secrets 34

Chapter 34

Renee spent the next day canceling all of Vin’s appointments for the next two weeks, just as he had asked her to the night before, including two TV interviews on the latest shows. One special appearance on the MTV Awards, several photo shoots and a meeting with two potential additional producers for “Hannibal”.

As a direct consequence, Renee’s and Marcela’s cell phones started to ring almost immediately, asking what the hell was happening with Vin Diesel. Even Alice was a little overwhelmed because the phones at One Race were almost burning.

For once Marcela was happy with Vin’s behavior canceling some of his appointments within 24 hours. Even if she was starting to hear from every tabloid making bets trying to figure out the real reason why Vin wasn’t going to carry out his previous finalized appointments.

In no way was Vin going to leave Luna alone after what had happened, much less in her current state. He wasn’t going to carry that on his conscience; he was already putting the blame on himself.

Now more than ever before, Luna was going to need his support and love, and Vin was planning to stick with her no matter what.


Vin felt drained, as if all his energy had vanished from his body, leaving him exhausted. The night had been more than just intense.

Not even had twelve hours passed since Vin found Luna in her bathroom after her last ‘binge-eating episode’ but it had seemed like an eternity for both of them. So many things took place in those twelve hours and they both suspected that things never were going to be the same from that night on.

Neither Vin or Luna had slept too much over the night. Luna refused to take sedatives and they had both just embraced, listening to Luna’s heartbeats in the monitor, thinking about how their lives had changed since they met each other.

“Tell me why, Luna.” Vin whispered, breaking the silence.

Luna didn’t need Vin to tell her what he was asking, she knew full well. This was a conversation they knew they had to have sooner or later.

“I want to be perfect for you, Vin.” She whispered hoarsely, swallowing hard against the invisible knot in her throat. Vin tightened his jaw.

“Why the fuck do you want to be perfect, Luna?” He hissed, making a supreme effort to not raise his voice as he squeezed her hand. “Hell! I’m not perfect myself, Damnit!”

Luna shut her eyes, tensing and Vin cursed himself silently as soon as the monitor registered the speed of her heartbeats.

This wasn’t going to work if he didn’t keep his temper at bay. So, Vin took a deep breath and calmed himself down.

“Here I was, so fucking happy, thinking that everything was ok between us and you were…” He trailed off, his voice suddenly thick. “Do you have any idea how I felt when I found you shaking and at death’s door, Luna? I thought I was going to lose you and that it was entirely my fucking fault because I haven’t been paying enough attention to you.” Luna gasped, her body shuddering. “And then hearing you, pleading with me to forgive you when all I wanted was to beat the shit out of you because you were making us go through this fucking hell…and all because you want to look perfect.” He whispered, his voice now strangled as he fought back tears and Luna’s throat closed with that invisible knot again, but she managed to keep her tears at bay.

“I want everybody to say that your girlfriend is the sexiest and hot woman, because you are Vin Diesel and…” Luna cut herself off, taking a ragged breath. “They said horrible things about me, Vin, because I’m not a fucking model. They said I was fat and nasty and that you deserved better than me and I just…” Her voice faltered and she swallowed hard, her hands shaking. Vin lifted his head and noticed her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“I know you don’t like to attract that kind of attention and I sure as hell don’t like either, but that’s the way the things are, baby.” Vin paused for a second, searching for the right words to say. “You have to understand that I’m a celebrity and those fuckers are going to always be stalking us, taking pictures and writing shit about us. They won’t care if we are upset or mad. They won’t give a shit if we feel down or if we just want to be left alone. They are going to be always there, manipulating the information, using it to their own benefit, not caring if they are hurting you.”

Luna sighed hard. “They hate me,” she breathed weakly as a small whimper escaped her throat. Vin knit a brow slowly.

“Who?” He asked gently as he stroked her hip lightly up and down.

“Everybody,” she swallowed, blinking tears. “Your fans, the media….” Luna whispered as she lifted a hand, cleaning away her tears. Vin rolled his eyes.

“Fuck them.” He stated, his voice as serious as a heart attack. “They can rot in fucking hell for all I care.”

Luna blinked confused, as her eyes widened.

“But they love you!”

“What?! My ass they love me!” Vin replied. “They love Vin Diesel the celebrity. They don’t know shit about me, Luna. They love an illusion. They love what little piece of myself I let them know.”

“But they are your fans”

“So?” Vin replied. “Just because they are my fans, I’m not going to let them rule my life or my acts, Luna. My fans are going to hate whoever is sleeping with me. No matter if she is absolute fucking perfection in every sense of the word, baby. Do you really think that I care what they might say about us?” he asked, chuckling. “Come on…you were just like them not too far from today and I’m pretty sure that you acted like them. I’m sorry, ‘njrd’, but payback is a bitch.”

Luna tensed. “I’m not proud of that, you know?” She said, frowning deeply as Vin shook his head and continued.

“Luna, you know that deep inside they all would love to be in your place because you are Vin Diesel’s girlfriend, baby.” Vin said and Luna couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

How the hell could any woman wish to be in her place right now?

“And the media…well… we are always going to have a love/hate relationship with all of them. Some times we’re going to use them and other times they are going to use us. No big deal, baby.” He explained as he continued stroking her hips and belly absently. She shivered slightly and swallowed hard. “The important thing here is what I feel for you.” Luna’s eyes were wide open, gasping.

“What do you feel for me, Vin?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

“I love you, Luna.” He replied, locking eyes with her.

“Why? I’m a mess.” Luna said, her voice suddenly a whisper.

Vin chuckled at her words and slowly he lifted his right hand, resting it at her heart level. Luna gasped as her eyes widened. Vin closed his eyes for a second and pressed their foreheads.

“I know you’re a mess. But do you want to know the reason why, in spite of that, I still love you?” He asked her.

Luna shivered as she held his intense gaze and after a moment she swallowed hard, clearing her throat.

“Because you’re an asshole who is addicted to my pussy?” She replied as she knit a brow. Vin grinned broadly, chuckling.

There she was, the bitch with the smart mouth that he loved. A damn roller coaster, always ready to spit fire but unable to hide her real condition.

Vin shook his head and put his full lips against her ear. After a long moment, he took a deep breath and decided that it was time to remind her who she was and why she was with him in the first place.

“I’m addicted to your hot, wet, tight pussy, but that’s not the only reason, baby….It’s this…” He whispered, tapping her chest lightly. “Your heart, Luna.”

Luna took a shaky breath at his words as a huge shiver crossed her body from head to toe and Vin kissed her neck lightly, locking eyes with her again.

“I don’t care about your weight or your size, baby, and I don’t give a damn if you’re not a fucking twenty year old model…. I told you once that you were beautiful inside and out… I meant it back then and I do mean it now and to hell with whoever doesn’t think like me.” He said fiercely, putting as much assurance as he could on his words, which Luna noticed and that only caused the tears that she had been fighting back to fall unrestrained.

“Do you really mean that?” She asked softly. Vin hugged her tightly against him and brushed her bare shoulder with his lips.

“Yeah, baby, I mean it, and I don’t want to lose you, Luna…you’re not only my best friend and my woman, you’re also the only one with balls enough to deal with a fucker like me…we are meant for each other, baby.” He murmured against her skin. Luna opened her eyes, blinking away her blurry vision. “I love you, Luna. Just stay with me.” Vin’s eyes were pleading silently.

“I love you, Vin.” Luna whispered, burying her face against his neck and Vin heaved a hard sigh, stroking her back up and down. “Don’t let me leave you.” She breathed deeply.

“I won’t let you leave me, baby.” Vin whispered as he closed his eyes, holding her tightly. Luna sniffed, swallowing as Vin held her, locking eyes with her. “You’re mine and you’re not going anywhere far from me.” He added, capturing Luna’s lips in a demanding kiss.


Val picked Vin up at the hospital and drove him back to his place to take a shower and change his clothes, but not before Luna assured him that she was going to be ok if he wasn’t around for a couple of hours.

However, she was going to be busy. Dr. Jacobs wanted to run a few test to check the level of her electrolytes and the frequency of her heartbeats.

Luna smiled broadly and whispered in a hoarse voice that she would be right there when he was back. In response, Vin grinned broadly and kissed her lips gently. Then he pointed at her with a finger saying that she better behave while he was gone, adding that he didn’t want her flirting with that young doctor.

At his words, Luna couldn’t help but laugh and he found himself grinning like a loony. Vin was only now realizing how much he had missed her laughter.

The ride back to Vin’s place had been made in a weird silence, both men lost in their own thoughts while pretending that they were really interested about what was on the other side of the windows.

Valentino knew Vin better than he did himself and suspected that there was more than what Vin had told them the night before concerning Luna’s health and Val didn’t know it but he was right.

Vin had told them what Dr. Jacobs had said about Luna’s health, but he kept the part about Luna’s possible pregnancy for himself.

Val decided that it wasn’t the time to be pushing Vin, trying to find what was bothering him so much.

Valentino was lost in thought about what Renee had told him. She had been arguing with Vin for almost half an hour about Vin’s last request. They weren’t sure what Luna’s reaction was going to be. Even though Vin had said that it would be just for a few days while Luna was healing, Renee and Val suspected that once Luna crossed Vin’s door, she wasn’t going to move out again.

Vin had said that Luna couldn’t be alone and that he wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. So, reluctantly, Renee obliged and went to Luna’s apartment, packing all of her clothes and her personal things with the help of Mike, and they carried them to Vin’s place.

Once, she was done, Renee phoned Vin, telling him that she had cleaned Luna’s apartment, throwing out all the cookies, chocolate bars and other ‘comfort-food’ she had found hidden as well as several packs of diuretics.

Vin didn’t say anything in return, just ‘ok’ and ‘thanks, babe’, hanging up the phone. He didn’t really care at all; he wasn’t planning to let Luna return to her apartment. In fact, Vin was thinking seriously about phoning Luna’s landlord personally as soon as he had two minutes alone, telling the man that he could use the apartment when he wanted because Luna wasn’t going to live there again.

Vin wanted Luna living with him 24/7, in fact he had been thinking about asking her to move in, but he hadn’t found the right occasion before.

He knew that Luna didn’t want to rush things, but he couldn’t wait any longer. He never had been very patient and after recent events, Vin was more sure than ever before that he was doing the right thing.

Luna wasn’t going to complain about it; at least that’s what he hoped. She was in love with him and they had been living almost like a couple during the last weeks after all. So, he considered it was time to take that step in their lives, wasn’t it?

At the end, it was just a question of time, and right now, time is what they needed. Time to be alone without anyone around so that they could talk about their real feelings concerning the other and what they were going to do from now on.

Vin knew that Luna’s physical damage was going to heal in a few days, but her mind was going to take a little more and for that task, Vin suspected that he was the only one who could help her.

Luna was so stubborn that she wasn’t going to obey or pay attention to anyone else other than him, and he had serious doubts about it taking into consideration what Luna had been doing to herself.

She was going to say ‘ok’, ‘great’, ‘of course’, ‘you’re right’, ‘sure’, and everything she could come up with to make everybody believe that she was going to follow their advice, but Vin knew better that that. He was sure that she was going to start purging again as soon as she was alone; doing whatever the hell she wanted to do concerning her illness, her body and her life.

So Vin made up his mind and decided that as soon as they were back at home, they were going to have a long conversation regarding the causes of her irrational, dangerous behavior. The sooner, the better.

At the end they weren’t only lovers, they were also best friends, so they had to be able to talk about everything and anything. Nothing could change that. There was no turning back at this point, much less if Luna was pregnant.

Luna had been fooling him like he was damn dumb, playing him and using sex like a weapon to keep him oblivious to the fact that she was hurting herself at the same time, while he was thinking that everything was ok. And for a second, Vin couldn’t help but his blood boiled inside of his veins as his hands closed into fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white under the pressure.

Val glanced at him from the corner of his eye and concentrated on driving the car, pretending that he wasn’t even there while Vin sighed hard, staring outside and one tear rolled down his cheek.


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