Chapter 3
I can feel my heart pounding so hard and so fast inside of my chest that it’s the only sound I can hear thundering in my brain. My own heartbeat sounding so high that it almost hurts my ears.
Inhaling deeply through my nose, my jaw once again clenched so tightly that I’m unable to breath through my mouth. I force the air to pass through my lungs and all of a sudden, I realize I’ve been holding my breath for quite a long time and it’s painful. Fuck! As soon as I do it, I regret my action. There it is. Her scent. A sweet mix of lilacs, cinnamon and arousal. Hanna’s scent.
She’s sitting, her legs crossed, her slim fingers tapping lightly on the surface of the table. Her skirt is slightly raised, showing her knee, she’s looking down. Hanna is dressed in an impeccable dark blue suit and a white blouse, the jacket hanging from the back of the chair, her hair tugged in a bow, and she’s wearing the little earrings I gave her.
I swallow hard, my throat dry as I move forward, taking a seat at the table, staring at her. I don’t even know how I managed to do it, but I start to breathe, even if it is still ragged, as if I had been running for miles, my heart racing inside my chest.
As soon as I sit, Hanna’s fingers stop their movement, just for a few seconds as I watch her throat muscles working lightly as she swallows, still not raising her head to meet my eyes, her gaze still fixed in some spot at her feet.
Her chest is rising and falling in time with her breath, which seems even, but I bet she’s chewing her lower lip, just the right corner as she resumes the tapping with her fingers.
A year has passed and I can’t help myself. She’s here and I can’t believe it. I’m unable to form one simple coherent thought, let alone speak aloud, so I just sit here in silence, waiting for her to say or do something. I feel a little numb all of a sudden because the only word that pops into my mind is her name. Hanna. My brain seems as if it will collapse with the thoughts, memories and visions of both of us together. What’s wrong with me?
I have had a whole year to put order to the chaos that was my brain and heart when I entered this fucking place. If I have had anything, it has been time. Endless empty hours to fill. I have had a whole damn year to get ready for this encounter and now that she’s at my hand’s reach, I can’t think or move at all.
Somehow, I always knew she would end up coming to see me and I’m pissed off beyond belief with myself. I played this scene in my mind countless times; searching for the exact words I wanted to use to hurt her as much as she hurt me. Rehearsing silently in my mind each move and signal I was going to make when this time came, completely sure that I was going to be over her once we were face to face again, but now…
Now I’m trapped somewhere I’ve never been before. Somewhere where my heart is hurt savagely, tearing my soul apart, where my body aches with a need so powerful that I’m about to explode, where my mind is screaming so loudly that I’m going to die. What’s fucking wrong with me?
Hanna takes a deep breath and slowly she pulls from her purse a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. The guard clears his throat.
“This is a non smoking area.” He says, his voice hard.
I don’t know how Hanna does it, but she manages to look up at him, avoiding my gaze in the process as she grips the lighter so tightly in her hand that her knuckles turn white under the pressure.
“Like that fact is going to stop me,” Hanna replies, pulling a cigarette from the pack. Her voice is defiant and holding the guard’s gaze, she lights the cigarette, taking a deep puff and exhaling the smoke through her nose.
The guard tensed, grunting, his eyes full of banked anger. I want to beat the shit out of myself because before I realize what I’m doing, my lips spread in a slight grin. I’m grinning, I’m fucking grinning.
Her voice is even hoarser than I remembered; I guess she had started smoking again since we saw each other for the last time. Hanna wasn’t a heavy smoker, just a few cigarettes a day, but after we made love for the first time, she just quit. I didn’t ask her to do it though; she just simply did it on her own.
Hanna takes another deep puff and this time, she blows the smoke up towards the ceiling of the room. She’s daring the guard to open his big mouth again and I find myself wishing that he does it just so I can hear Hanna reply.
The guard seems to be weighing his options and I already know that Hanna is waiting to kick him where he hurts the most, directly to his weakness, showing no mercy. He doesn’t know who he’s dealing with, and I notice that for a second I’ve being forgotten.
“I don’t care who you are. The rules are for all users of the visiting room. No exceptions.”
I silently give thanks to God as soon as the guard opens his fucking mouth because I know what is coming.
Gracefully, Hanna uncrosses her legs and stands to her feet; she’s taller than I remember, in high heels. Slowly and without taking her gaze off the guard, she walks directly to him. I can’t help it and from the corner of my eye, I follow the soft swing of her hips. Hanna has a killer ass and now I’m fighting the impulse to turn my head to have a better look. It has been one year since the last time I had sex and it was with her, so I kick myself silently because I realize that I’m losing control over my own body’s reactions.
The guard tenses slightly as his position stiffens, narrowing his eyes, holding Hanna’s gaze. She stops in front of him, right in front of his face, but never invading his personal space. A heartbeat is all Hanna gives him before she plunges.
“It is because of who I am that I can do whatever the fuck I wanted to be inside this visiting room, sir. It’s the privilege of being a few steps over you in the chain of command. You do as I say and not the other way around. Do we understand each other?”
Her voice is cold, hard and emotionless, not giving the guard room to voice a complaint. Hanna is waiting for the guard to answer, daring him to do it.
This is priceless. The guard’s face is just priceless and I have to bite my tongue so I don’t burst out laughing hard. I knew it. I knew she was going to shut his mouth for him. The guard’s neck muscles clench and I bet he’s fighting for his own control, so he won’t just tell her to go to hell, or call her a bitch.
“Do we understand each other?” Hanna asks him again. Her tone of voice is even lower than before.
The guard looks at her and after what seems an eternity, he finally nods ‘yes’.
“Yes, madam.”
“Good. Now, please, remove his handcuffs and leave us alone.” Hanna says and the guard looks at me, narrowing his eyes, and I suspect that I’m going to be the one who pays for Hanna’s words and actions.
As if she can hear what the guard is thinking, Hanna’s gaze hardens as she speaks again.
“Don’t you even think about it,” he looks back at her, shocked by her words. “Or you will find yourself watching skinny punks in some federal shithole before the night ends.”
This time, I notice in her voice something that wasn’t there before. I bet that the guard doesn’t catch it in her voice, but I do even though I’m not sure what it is exactly. She doesn’t only sound more menacing and colder than ever, Hanna is not only pissed off, she’s … Scared?
Hanna is threatening him and he knows it as well as he knows that she’s not screwing around. I wonder if she can do that if she really wants to, and all of sudden I remember that Hanna can be a cold heartless bitch if someone pushes her to her limits. I know, I’ve been there. I’ve seen her act like that and now I’m realizing that this is all an act for her. Hanna is playing a role here because she has a goal to reach and she’s not going to let him intimidate her or get in her way.
I close my eyes for a couple of seconds as I remind myself that we are inside of a prison. This is Lompoc, a Federal prison. This is not a courtesy visit and Hanna is not my girlfriend, all of sudden I remember why she is here.
My God, how could I have been so blind? I thought that the FBI had played all their cards, but they were leaving for the last their final one. Hanna.
Flash Back
I wasn’t thinking clearly, it had all passed too damn fast. One minute we had been tracking the truck, and the next the cops were everywhere. I don’t know how many there were but it seemed there were at least fifty agents if not more. They were fucking coordinated, and worked like a flawless pack. For a second I wasn’t sure if they were just cops. They drove cars, quads and the like. They even had two fucking helicopters that flew over the desert.
Letty and Leon split as we had planned in case of just this sort of thing. Vince and I had almost fallen into his grasp, but we had managed to slip by the skin of our teeth.
Vince was already seriously wounded and we both knew he wouldn’t make it, so I drove like a mad man directly to my place, with one single goal on my mind: to get Jesse, Mia and Hanna and fly out of the country.
I knew that Mia had gone back to our house the night before to take care of everything while she waited for us to come back. She had phoned me and told me that Hanna had gotten into her car after I had left her the night before having not said a single word.
Jesse had disappeared after his race with Johnny Tran and I didn’t know where he was exactly but I was sure he would be back at some point to help Mia. All of us were going to be leaving the country that morning, to cross the border into Mexico. But my main concern was Hanna.
All of the way back into the city I had tried in vain to reach Hanna on her cell phone but it had been disconnected and I was getting the answering machine at her place.
I had no clue where she would be since we had a nasty argument about this last job the night before. Hanna had begged me to leave the country that very night, to cross the border into Mexico with Mia and my team, to forget everything about her and my old life.
It was our first fight since we met and it tore me apart to hear Hanna ask me to leave her behind. I had never seen her act that way before. Hanna was scared to death, pleading with me not to do that last job and to split before it was too late. In response, I cursed loudly and didn’t listen to her words. I stormed out of the trailer, slamming the door close at my back. Who was she to ask for such a thing?
It had been always my way or highway and I wasn’t going to let anybody tell me what I had to do, not even Hanna. I acted like the self-centered bastard I had always been and got in my car. I left the place where the race war organization had settled us, and drove with my team to the place where we had the cars hidden, to wait while we set up the last robbery.
During the last weeks, I had been fighting a silent battle with myself, trying to decide if it would be a wise decision to tell Hanna where the money came from that I had been using to pay the mortgage and the indecently expensive pieces and parts I had been buying for the cars. I realized she deserved to know what kind of man I was if she was going to become my wife. I didn’t want to start a new life with her at my side, hiding things from her.
My dad had always taught me to respect all women, but to respect my own more than any other, and to never lie to her if I wanted to receive the same treatment in return. So one night I had made up my mind and I told Hanna about my illegal activities, explaining to her each and every single detail.
Hanna had listened to me in complete silence while I paced back and forth, not daring to look in her eyes. I was afraid that Hanna wouldn’t accept it and scared to death that she wanted to leave me after I had told her everything about the matter.
When I was done, I crouched in front of her, to ask for her understanding and love. Hanna locked eyes with me and didn’t say a single word and I let out the air I had been holding with a painful sigh.
I didn’t need anybody telling me, I knew Hanna still loved me as much as I loved her. Her eyes couldn’t deny what her heart felt; a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I could think about my future life with Hanna without dragging that secret like a burden with us.
When I arrived at my place, I found that Jesse had been shot by the Trans because of the fucking war race mess, and he was bleeding to death in Mia’s arms.
I didn’t think twice about it and got into my dad’s car, to go in search of Johnny Tran and his fucking cousin Lance. I had found them still in the area and had started to chase them and made them both fall off their bikes. I didn’t kill them but they were going to spend a few months in the hospital, if they ever recovered completely.
I hadn’t realized that during the raid the cops had started to hunt me down as well. After what had seemed like an eternity for me, I finally split for the second time that day but in the process, I had crashed my dad’s car. I wasn’t far from Hanna’s place so I ran as fast as I could in search of my woman.
———
I stormed inside Hanna’s house; my shirt was drenched with Jesse’s and Vince’s blood as I called for her. I received no answer, so I went directly to her bedroom, feeling adrenaline running fast through my veins and my heart racing.
I opened her closet, grabbed a bag and started to put the first clothes I saw inside and then I went to the bathroom, throwing all the things that were in the shower and on the counter into her bag. Then I had turned on my heels and ran right into Hanna’s chest.
“We gotta get out of here, now.” I had said, not really looking at her. “The last robbery was a fuck up. That fucker at the port set a trap.” I had passed her, pulling off my stained t-shirt. “The FBI is going to storm through that door anytime now, Hanna. We have to leave the country, baby.” I had added, grabbing a clean t-shirt and putting it on.
“I’m not going, Dominic.” Hanna had replied, her hoarse voice held no emotion. I froze, motionless, and turned my head to look at her.
Hanna was just standing there, her arms resting at her sides. She looked at the floor for a few seconds where my stained t-shirt lay, and then back up at me.
“What!” I had asked, blinking in shock, locking eyes with her. That shadow of guilt was so visible that it almost clouded the brightness of her gaze and I felt my heart skip a beat.
“You’re not gonna make it, Dominic,” Hanna swallowed hard and took a step backward. “You have been playing a dangerous game with people that don’t like to lose their money, baby, and you already lost two of your best friend today. I’m not going to lose you, Dominic.”
“What are you talking about?” I had asked, completely puzzled, confusion all over my face.
“The FBI is already here. I’m an FBI undercover agent, Dominic and you’re my target.” She said, her eyes flickering to mine.
Her words had kicked me in the chest with such force that I had felt as if the air was knocked out of my lungs and without thinking, I had rushed to her, grabbing her shoulders. Hanna gasped slightly and her eyes grew wide, to stare at me.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Hanna?” I asked through clenched teeth, my grip tightened around her upper arms, which made Hanna hiss in pain. She shut her eyes for a second and cleared her throat.
“The house will be surrounded by SWAT in minutes, Dominic. They will kill you before you reach the front door.” She whispered hoarsely, opening her eyes, looking at me. “Please, baby, don’t do nothing stupid, Dominic, there’s no way out. You have to face what you did.”
I fixed my gaze on her eyes, those beautiful green eyes, grayish sparks around the pupils, my eyes pleaded with Hanna’s for any sign that she was bullshitting me.
It felt as if I couldn’t breathe at all. I panted; my heart beat so fast that I thought I would have a heart attack. My brain was busy trying to process her words, as I searched for an explanation that made sense of the turmoil I felt, to the chaos I was immersed in when realization dawned.
Hanna had lied to me, she had betrayed me, and she had betrayed my love. We had spent endless hours making love to each other, showing our deepest feelings and emotions and all the time she had been pretending. NO! She hadn’t been pretending, Hanna was in love with me, I was completely sure. I had looked into her eyes and they didn’t lie to me, she loved me as much as I loved her.
I had wanted to die and silent tears had rolled down my cheeks when I realized that in spite of all the unforgettable moments we had shared, she betrayed me and I was unable to hate her more than I loved her.
All of sudden, I heard noises and turned my head fast to the side. There were at least ten guns pointed at me. I swallowed hard and looked back at Hanna.
Her eyes brimmed with unshed tears, full of guilt and pain, and slowly I released her, and moved backward, never taking my gaze off hers. I took a ragged breath and I lifted my wrists.
Hanna frowned, puzzled, and I could see the confusion reflected in her eyes. I blinked against my blurry vision and extended my arms.
“You do it, Hanna, nobody else,” I whispered, swallowing hard.
Hanna had tensed every muscle in her body, as she slowly nodded ‘no’, tears sparkling in her eyes.
“No…” she had breathed. “Don’t make me do it, Dominic, please, no…” Hanna trailed off, and shook her head.
I shut my eyes tightly and took one more step in her direction; I heard the noise of the guns, releasing their safeties. I froze, motionless, and locked eyes with her.
“Hanna, if you really love me, you won’t let anybody else do it.” I had said in a strangled voice. “Here is your target, Hanna, do your job.” Hanna clenched her jaw, swallowed hard and pulled out her handcuffs as she closed the distance between us.
“Dominic Alfredo Toretto, you’re under arrest,” she said as she cuffed my wrists, tears spilling down her cheeks.
End Flash Back
The guard moves to my side as I lift my hands. He takes off the handcuffs and without another word, he left the room, closing and locking the door at his back.
Hanna sighs heavily as she shakes her head slightly almost as if she was clearing her thoughts with that simple action.
We are alone. This room is like the ones for conjugal visits. It’s sound proof and there aren’t any cameras. What it means is that nobody can hear us or watch us.
I want to tell her a lot of things but I don’t know exactly where to begin, so I keep silent, narrowing my eyes, trying to put some order on my thoughts.
She’s still looking down and I’m starting to suspect she doesn’t want to look at me. I don’t know why and I’m not sure about my motivations, but I’m giving silent thanks to God for that fact. I’m praying for her to not look up, to not look at me. I’m scared. Scared about what I’m going to see if I look at her eyes.
I’ve been staring at them for a whole year in their printed version, wishing to see them again in reality, and now, I’m scared to death to see those green eyes with their grayish sparks around the pupils.
Last time I stared at Hanna’s beautiful eyes, they were holding my gaze, showing guilt and pain. If I find those same emotions still reflecting in them, I figure I’ll feel a little better, knowing that her guilt is still consuming her. That’s what I’m expecting to see, but I’m even more scared because I’m not sure about my own reaction if what I see sparkling in those eyes is another feeling.
Hanna takes a deep breath, exhaling the air slowly as she throws the cigarette to the floor, putting it out with her heel. She’s still looking down and I can feel the tension radiating from her body. It’s like a heavy invisible veil. For anybody else it would pass unnoticed, but I know Hanna and my suspicion grows stronger. We haven’t seen each other in a year, but there’s no one around who knows us better than we know ourselves.
Hanna doesn’t want to look at me either. Maybe she’s scared too about what she’s going to find in my gaze, in my eyes. My dark brown chocolate eyes, as she used to refer to them. Sorry, baby, but you have no other choice. You told me to face my actions, now it’s your turn, Hanna. Lift your head and look what you did to me.
A dead silence lay upon us and suddenly the room seems smaller. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my heartbeats in time with Hanna’s breath. One year we’ve been separated from each other but we can synchronize our breathing in seconds. Just like when we made love. I wonder if she realizes that fact.
“Dominic.” She whispers.
I almost jump out of my skin at the sound of my name in her voice. There’s no sign of coldness. I figure the act she put on for the guard is over, but I wonder if she’s going to put on another one just for me. I stiffen slightly on my chair as my hands close in fists of their own will.
I want to correct her, I want to tell her that she’s not allowed to say my full name anymore, but I can’t do that. My God, why Hanna? Why are you doing this to me? Why now?
I always loved how my name sounded in her deep hoarse voice; no one is able to say it the way she does. I lost count of how many times I heard her whispering my name in my ear, while I was making love to her. Always caused the same effect on me and it still does now. I shudder, trying my best to hide it from her, but I’m not sure if I succeeded.
“Hanna.” She tenses as soon as I say her name. I clear my throat, standing to my feet. “Why are you here?” I already know the answer, but I need to hear her confirming my suspicions.
“You put me on your visitor’s list.” She answers, still not looking at me.
I chuckle sadly. I almost forgot her ability to avoid a direct question. Hanna always answers, but she’s not saying anything if she doesn’t want to.
Indeed, I had written her name on my visitor’s list, knowing in advance that she didn’t need to appear there to come to visit me.
I frown slightly, cursing myself silently. I know what’s coming. My question is going to backfire.
“Why did you write my name, Dominic?” She asks me as she moves backward, leaning back against the wall. Then she raises her head, fixing her gaze on the ceiling of the room.
I’m still wondering why I did that. I’m still trying to find a reason. Her voice pulls me out of my little internal turmoil, giving me the answer to that question.
“You were expecting that Hanna, your woman, would come to visit you and not Hanna, the FBI agent.” She clears her throat and sighs hard.
I frown deeply, hearing her words as I give a step toward her. Suddenly I’m tired of this shit. I want answers and I want them now, but more than anything else, I want one thing.
“Look at me, Hanna.” I can’t help it but my voice sounds colder than I had expected. Hanna tenses even more, closing her hands into fists and slowly, she lowers her head.
As soon as our eyes meet, I notice the dark shadows under hers. She seems tired. More than tired, she seems exhausted. As if she hadn’t slept in days, maybe even weeks.
Hanna always had trouble sleeping. She even confessed to me that she was developing an addiction to sleeping pills until I slept with her for the first time. Hanna said she only could sleep deeply if I was holding her; she could relax completely if she could feel my chest pressed against her back. That was one of the reasons why I started to spend night at her place instead of at my house with the team and Mia.
Her eyes are still as beautiful as I remembered them, but there’s something missing. There’s no trace of her brightness. The shadow of guilt is still there and the pain is even more visible. I wonder if she’s in hell. What made those green eyes look so sad? Is it me or is it something else?
I curse silently, letting out the air I realize I’ve been holding with a heavy sigh. Behind the guilt and the pain, I notice what I feared. Her eyes can’t lie to me. I need to keep my mind clear. I desperately need to stay focused, otherwise…
I bet Hanna can feel the tension building inside of me because she clears her throat and plunges.
“Sign the deal, Dominic.”
I shut my eyes tightly as a deep growl escapes my lips. All of sudden I’m pissed off with her and with myself, but silently I give thanks to her. She’s helping me in some way to clear my mind, not letting my feelings cloud my reason, to stay focused in business.
“I’m not gonna sign the fucking deal.” I retort through clenched teeth. “It’s the privilege of being an inmate. You might be several steps over the guards in the fucking chain of command, but I can do whatever the fuck I want, just like you. I’m already locked in prison.”
Hanna blinks as she moves forward, closing the distance between us and unconsciously, I take a step backward. I don’t want her so close to me. Not now.
“I already told your pals what the FBI could do with their fucking deal; don’t make me repeat those words to you.” I hiss, narrowing my eyes.
Hanna takes a deep breath and holds my gaze.
“We’re just pawns in their game, Dominic.” She whispers, keeping the physical distance with me. The distance I put between us.
“No, baby, you are a pawn in their game. I was a pawn in your sick game, Hanna. You” before I can finish my line, she cuts me off.
“That’s not true and you know it. I was saving your life.” She replies fiercely, her gaze never leaving mine.
“The fuck you were, Hanna. You lied to me; you made me believe that you were in love with me. You’re just a cold heartless bitch.”
Hanna gasped as her eyes opened wide and in one fast move she close the distance between us, stopping right in front of my face, invading my personal space.
“I never lied to you, Dominic.” She hisses, but her voice is tinted with pain.
Maybe I’m hurting her, but right now, I want to pay her back for what she did to me and I’m determined to reach my goal.
“Of course, Hanna. It’s my fault that I didn’t ask you who you were before we fucked.”
As soon as my words left my mouth I regret them but it’s too late now and I can’t stop myself even if I wanted to. When Hanna replies, her voice is full of pain and her eyes are brimming with unshed tears in seconds.
“I never fucked you.” Hanna swallows forcefully, her throat muscles clenching.
I’m out of control and suddenly I don’t care if I’m hurting her. I feel adrenaline running through my veins and I’m enjoying my little victory over her. It seems that I also know how to shut people up, how to use their weakness against them. I guess I learned from the best. So, without give a second thought, I plunged.
“Oh, sorry. I already forgot. We never fucked; we always made love, huh, Hanna? Problem is that to make love you actually have to love the person, if not it’s just a fuck.”
Her eyes are flickering to mine and I’m sure my words hurt her more than if I actually hit her. The guilt isn’t there anymore, but the pain is sparkling with such intensity that I’m the one hurting.
“You don’t need to be cruel with me, Dominic.” Hanna whispers in a strangled voice. It’s just an inaudible murmur. I can hear her because we are nose to nose.
I look at her eyes and there’s only pain. Hanna blinks and tears fall silently.
“What? Am I hurting you? Fuck you! You hurt me as well. You put me in prison.”
I feel my heart clenching painfully at the sign of her tears. My god, I can’t stop myself. I’m hurting her and I have what I wanted. And now, I want to die, staring at her eyes. There’s nothing there, they are empty.
Hanna shakes her head and when she looks at me again, I see her cold gaze flashing at me.
“No, you put yourself in prison. I wasn’t the one stealing shit from trucks with my pals.” Her voice is emotionless, hard and cold. “You didn’t know shit about what was inside of that truck. I saved your sorry ass, Dominic.”
Hanna is all business again, determined to kick me where it hurts the most, directly to the sweet spot and I know she’s not going to show any mercy. Not that it’s unexpected either at the end, I just killed her with my words.
“You were living your pathetic excuse of a life surrounded by a hell of a lot of people who were dancing in the palm of your hand, adoring you as if you were a living God.” She says, moving backward, increasing the distance between us. “Respect, you said. They respect me, Hanna, you said. Where the fuck are they now, all those little shits that spent their time racing cars, avoiding getting caught by the cops and drinking their asses off in your parties, Dominic? Where the fuck were those friends of yours when your life was in danger, baby?”
I notice the sarcasm in her voice. She’s not going to back up an inch and I’m fighting back the impulse to shout at her to shut up, but I close my hands into fists and turn my back to her.
“I feel alive when I’m racing, Hanna. During those ten fucking seconds or less, I’m alive, Hanna. Those were your words, but you didn’t know shit about what you were getting into. You thought you were a tough guy because you had beaten the shit out of some asshole. Nobody messes with Toretto, huh? Well, nobody messes with the FBI, Dom.”
I shut my eyes tightly when I hear her calling me ‘Dom’ instead of ‘Dominic’. I wish my dad hadn’t taught me to respect all women. God forgive me because I’m fighting the urge to hit my own woman. I grit my teeth so tightly that it’s painful and my nails are digging into my palms.
“Did you think you could go long, fucking around with the FBI? I begged you to leave the country. I pleaded with you not do that last job, to cross the border with your team and Mia. But, no. You didn’t listen to me. Did you think about why I was asking you to do that?”
I can’t stand it anymore, so I turn around to face her. She’s crying, her face stained with tears.
“I don’t fucking care!” I raise my voice, rushing to her. Hanna’s eyes open wide as she gasped slightly. “You used me! You lied to me! You betrayed ME! YOU BETRAYED MY LOVE!” I shout as I grab her shoulders, tightening my grip. She shut her eyes, hissing in pain but she doesn’t ask for help. Hanna just holds my gaze as she swallows hard.
“I had no other choice, DAMNIT!” I push her back, trapping her against the wall.
“Whatever.” I mutter through clenched teeth, nose to nose with her.
We are so close to each other that we are sharing our breath. I feel the heat of her body against mine; her heart is racing inside her chest. I close my eyes, inhaling deeply in her scent. This time I don’t regret my action.
“Dominic….” Hanna breathes, her lips caressing mine when she speaks. “I had no other choice. It was that or death….your death.”
I shut my eyes tightly, fighting to keep control of my body as I bent my head slightly, making our foreheads press together.
“I hate you, Hanna,” I whisper, swallowing hard. “I hate you with all my heart and soul.”
I notice her hands, caressing my cheek. That soft touch, almost imperceptible. Damn! I want to beat the shit out of her. I want to kiss her; I’m dying to kiss her.
“Too bad for me then, because I love you with all my heart and soul, Dominic.” Hanna replies, tilting her head back a bit, locking eyes with me.
I move my hands from her shoulders and bury them in her hair, releasing it from the bow. Hanna tilt her head to both side and her hair falls free upon her shoulders, never taking her gaze off mine.
“Hanna….tell me something.” I say, not even noticing that I’m stroking her hair. I’m tired of this game of ours. I want to know if she lied to me after we made love for the first time, but I didn’t have the strength to ask her directly.
“Since that morning I didn’t lie to you, Dominic, not even once.” Hanna answers my silent question. Sometimes words aren’t necessary.
“Hanna…I’m gonna make you pay for what you did to me, baby, you know that, don’t you?”
She looks at me, her eyes showing a deep sadness. I feel uneasy. That deep sadness is sparkling at me with such intensity that my heart skips a beat, probably to match hers.
“What makes you think that I haven’t already paid, Dominic?” She answers, sighing hard, closing her eyes as fresh tears roll down her cheeks. “I swear to God that I’ll regret what I did to you for the rest of my life, but this is not the place or the time for that shit. Now, sign the deal.”
“Hanna, you know I can’t do it. You more than anyone else knows what that means to me…. to you. Reynaldo is poison, Hanna. He’s not only a dangerous fucker; he’s a sick bastard. I’m not going there again and you better not either.”
I’m whispering, my full lips pressed against her ear. Hanna tenses every single muscle in her body as a soft moan escapes her lips. I grin, knowing what my soft touch is doing to her. I made her cum once just nibbling, licking and sucking her ear while we were in a club, celebrating my birthday. I wonder if I still can do it.
“I had no choice, Dominic. I had no other fucking choice.”
Her words pull me back to the present moment, letting go of her completely. I’m pissed off at hearing her say that.
“Fuck, Hanna! What’s wrong with you, woman? Have you got a death wish?” I ask, frowning deeply as I rub my forehead
“Yes, Dominic. I want to die!” Hanna retorts fiercely. I blink, shocked by her words, staring at her as if she sprouted a second head. “I wanted to die the day you made me cuff your wrists. I wanted to die the day I heard the jury’s verdict. I wanted to die the day I lost….” She cuts herself off, biting her lower lip.
I narrow my eyes in suspicion. That deep sadness is again there.
“I’m looking at you, here, locked in Lompoc, knowing what this place is doing to you, Dominic….please, sign the fucking deal, please…”
“Hanna” I shake my head ‘no’ and look away. “I’m not a rat, Hanna. I’m not signing shit.” I hiss, feeling my heart skip a beat.
“Dominic…” Hanna said, moving forward, stopping in front of me. I lift my head to look at her. “Help me,” she whispers softly. My eyes flicker to hers and I know I’m lost.
“Hanna…”
“Call William and you’ll be out in 24 hours. I’ll see you then.”
Chapter 4
Lies 3
Chapter 3
I can feel my heart pounding so hard and so fast inside of my chest that it’s the only sound I can hear thundering in my brain. My own heartbeat sounding so high that it almost hurts my ears.
Inhaling deeply through my nose, my jaw once again clenched so tightly that I’m unable to breath through my mouth. I force the air to pass through my lungs and all of a sudden, I realize I’ve been holding my breath for quite a long time and it’s painful. Fuck! As soon as I do it, I regret my action. There it is. Her scent. A sweet mix of lilacs, cinnamon and arousal. Hanna’s scent.
She’s sitting, her legs crossed, her slim fingers tapping lightly on the surface of the table. Her skirt is slightly raised, showing her knee, she’s looking down. Hanna is dressed in an impeccable dark blue suit and a white blouse, the jacket hanging from the back of the chair, her hair tugged in a bow, and she’s wearing the little earrings I gave her.
I swallow hard, my throat dry as I move forward, taking a seat at the table, staring at her. I don’t even know how I managed to do it, but I start to breathe, even if it is still ragged, as if I had been running for miles, my heart racing inside my chest.
As soon as I sit, Hanna’s fingers stop their movement, just for a few seconds as I watch her throat muscles working lightly as she swallows, still not raising her head to meet my eyes, her gaze still fixed in some spot at her feet.
Her chest is rising and falling in time with her breath, which seems even, but I bet she’s chewing her lower lip, just the right corner as she resumes the tapping with her fingers.
A year has passed and I can’t help myself. She’s here and I can’t believe it. I’m unable to form one simple coherent thought, let alone speak aloud, so I just sit here in silence, waiting for her to say or do something. I feel a little numb all of a sudden because the only word that pops into my mind is her name. Hanna. My brain seems as if it will collapse with the thoughts, memories and visions of both of us together. What’s wrong with me?
I have had a whole year to put order to the chaos that was my brain and heart when I entered this fucking place. If I have had anything, it has been time. Endless empty hours to fill. I have had a whole damn year to get ready for this encounter and now that she’s at my hand’s reach, I can’t think or move at all.
Somehow, I always knew she would end up coming to see me and I’m pissed off beyond belief with myself. I played this scene in my mind countless times; searching for the exact words I wanted to use to hurt her as much as she hurt me. Rehearsing silently in my mind each move and signal I was going to make when this time came, completely sure that I was going to be over her once we were face to face again, but now…
Now I’m trapped somewhere I’ve never been before. Somewhere where my heart is hurt savagely, tearing my soul apart, where my body aches with a need so powerful that I’m about to explode, where my mind is screaming so loudly that I’m going to die. What’s fucking wrong with me?
Hanna takes a deep breath and slowly she pulls from her purse a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. The guard clears his throat.
“This is a non smoking area.” He says, his voice hard.
I don’t know how Hanna does it, but she manages to look up at him, avoiding my gaze in the process as she grips the lighter so tightly in her hand that her knuckles turn white under the pressure.
“Like that fact is going to stop me,” Hanna replies, pulling a cigarette from the pack. Her voice is defiant and holding the guard’s gaze, she lights the cigarette, taking a deep puff and exhaling the smoke through her nose.
The guard tensed, grunting, his eyes full of banked anger. I want to beat the shit out of myself because before I realize what I’m doing, my lips spread in a slight grin. I’m grinning, I’m fucking grinning.
Her voice is even hoarser than I remembered; I guess she had started smoking again since we saw each other for the last time. Hanna wasn’t a heavy smoker, just a few cigarettes a day, but after we made love for the first time, she just quit. I didn’t ask her to do it though; she just simply did it on her own.
Hanna takes another deep puff and this time, she blows the smoke up towards the ceiling of the room. She’s daring the guard to open his big mouth again and I find myself wishing that he does it just so I can hear Hanna reply.
The guard seems to be weighing his options and I already know that Hanna is waiting to kick him where he hurts the most, directly to his weakness, showing no mercy. He doesn’t know who he’s dealing with, and I notice that for a second I’ve being forgotten.
“I don’t care who you are. The rules are for all users of the visiting room. No exceptions.”
I silently give thanks to God as soon as the guard opens his fucking mouth because I know what is coming.
Gracefully, Hanna uncrosses her legs and stands to her feet; she’s taller than I remember, in high heels. Slowly and without taking her gaze off the guard, she walks directly to him. I can’t help it and from the corner of my eye, I follow the soft swing of her hips. Hanna has a killer ass and now I’m fighting the impulse to turn my head to have a better look. It has been one year since the last time I had sex and it was with her, so I kick myself silently because I realize that I’m losing control over my own body’s reactions.
The guard tenses slightly as his position stiffens, narrowing his eyes, holding Hanna’s gaze. She stops in front of him, right in front of his face, but never invading his personal space. A heartbeat is all Hanna gives him before she plunges.
“It is because of who I am that I can do whatever the fuck I wanted to be inside this visiting room, sir. It’s the privilege of being a few steps over you in the chain of command. You do as I say and not the other way around. Do we understand each other?”
Her voice is cold, hard and emotionless, not giving the guard room to voice a complaint. Hanna is waiting for the guard to answer, daring him to do it.
This is priceless. The guard’s face is just priceless and I have to bite my tongue so I don’t burst out laughing hard. I knew it. I knew she was going to shut his mouth for him. The guard’s neck muscles clench and I bet he’s fighting for his own control, so he won’t just tell her to go to hell, or call her a bitch.
“Do we understand each other?” Hanna asks him again. Her tone of voice is even lower than before.
The guard looks at her and after what seems an eternity, he finally nods ‘yes’.
“Yes, madam.”
“Good. Now, please, remove his handcuffs and leave us alone.” Hanna says and the guard looks at me, narrowing his eyes, and I suspect that I’m going to be the one who pays for Hanna’s words and actions.
As if she can hear what the guard is thinking, Hanna’s gaze hardens as she speaks again.
“Don’t you even think about it,” he looks back at her, shocked by her words. “Or you will find yourself watching skinny punks in some federal shithole before the night ends.”
This time, I notice in her voice something that wasn’t there before. I bet that the guard doesn’t catch it in her voice, but I do even though I’m not sure what it is exactly. She doesn’t only sound more menacing and colder than ever, Hanna is not only pissed off, she’s … Scared?
Hanna is threatening him and he knows it as well as he knows that she’s not screwing around. I wonder if she can do that if she really wants to, and all of sudden I remember that Hanna can be a cold heartless bitch if someone pushes her to her limits. I know, I’ve been there. I’ve seen her act like that and now I’m realizing that this is all an act for her. Hanna is playing a role here because she has a goal to reach and she’s not going to let him intimidate her or get in her way.
I close my eyes for a couple of seconds as I remind myself that we are inside of a prison. This is Lompoc, a Federal prison. This is not a courtesy visit and Hanna is not my girlfriend, all of sudden I remember why she is here.
My God, how could I have been so blind? I thought that the FBI had played all their cards, but they were leaving for the last their final one. Hanna.
Flash Back
I wasn’t thinking clearly, it had all passed too damn fast. One minute we had been tracking the truck, and the next the cops were everywhere. I don’t know how many there were but it seemed there were at least fifty agents if not more. They were fucking coordinated, and worked like a flawless pack. For a second I wasn’t sure if they were just cops. They drove cars, quads and the like. They even had two fucking helicopters that flew over the desert.
Letty and Leon split as we had planned in case of just this sort of thing. Vince and I had almost fallen into his grasp, but we had managed to slip by the skin of our teeth.
Vince was already seriously wounded and we both knew he wouldn’t make it, so I drove like a mad man directly to my place, with one single goal on my mind: to get Jesse, Mia and Hanna and fly out of the country.
I knew that Mia had gone back to our house the night before to take care of everything while she waited for us to come back. She had phoned me and told me that Hanna had gotten into her car after I had left her the night before having not said a single word.
Jesse had disappeared after his race with Johnny Tran and I didn’t know where he was exactly but I was sure he would be back at some point to help Mia. All of us were going to be leaving the country that morning, to cross the border into Mexico. But my main concern was Hanna.
All of the way back into the city I had tried in vain to reach Hanna on her cell phone but it had been disconnected and I was getting the answering machine at her place.
I had no clue where she would be since we had a nasty argument about this last job the night before. Hanna had begged me to leave the country that very night, to cross the border into Mexico with Mia and my team, to forget everything about her and my old life.
It was our first fight since we met and it tore me apart to hear Hanna ask me to leave her behind. I had never seen her act that way before. Hanna was scared to death, pleading with me not to do that last job and to split before it was too late. In response, I cursed loudly and didn’t listen to her words. I stormed out of the trailer, slamming the door close at my back. Who was she to ask for such a thing?
It had been always my way or highway and I wasn’t going to let anybody tell me what I had to do, not even Hanna. I acted like the self-centered bastard I had always been and got in my car. I left the place where the race war organization had settled us, and drove with my team to the place where we had the cars hidden, to wait while we set up the last robbery.
During the last weeks, I had been fighting a silent battle with myself, trying to decide if it would be a wise decision to tell Hanna where the money came from that I had been using to pay the mortgage and the indecently expensive pieces and parts I had been buying for the cars. I realized she deserved to know what kind of man I was if she was going to become my wife. I didn’t want to start a new life with her at my side, hiding things from her.
My dad had always taught me to respect all women, but to respect my own more than any other, and to never lie to her if I wanted to receive the same treatment in return. So one night I had made up my mind and I told Hanna about my illegal activities, explaining to her each and every single detail.
Hanna had listened to me in complete silence while I paced back and forth, not daring to look in her eyes. I was afraid that Hanna wouldn’t accept it and scared to death that she wanted to leave me after I had told her everything about the matter.
When I was done, I crouched in front of her, to ask for her understanding and love. Hanna locked eyes with me and didn’t say a single word and I let out the air I had been holding with a painful sigh.
I didn’t need anybody telling me, I knew Hanna still loved me as much as I loved her. Her eyes couldn’t deny what her heart felt; a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I could think about my future life with Hanna without dragging that secret like a burden with us.
When I arrived at my place, I found that Jesse had been shot by the Trans because of the fucking war race mess, and he was bleeding to death in Mia’s arms.
I didn’t think twice about it and got into my dad’s car, to go in search of Johnny Tran and his fucking cousin Lance. I had found them still in the area and had started to chase them and made them both fall off their bikes. I didn’t kill them but they were going to spend a few months in the hospital, if they ever recovered completely.
I hadn’t realized that during the raid the cops had started to hunt me down as well. After what had seemed like an eternity for me, I finally split for the second time that day but in the process, I had crashed my dad’s car. I wasn’t far from Hanna’s place so I ran as fast as I could in search of my woman.
———
I stormed inside Hanna’s house; my shirt was drenched with Jesse’s and Vince’s blood as I called for her. I received no answer, so I went directly to her bedroom, feeling adrenaline running fast through my veins and my heart racing.
I opened her closet, grabbed a bag and started to put the first clothes I saw inside and then I went to the bathroom, throwing all the things that were in the shower and on the counter into her bag. Then I had turned on my heels and ran right into Hanna’s chest.
“We gotta get out of here, now.” I had said, not really looking at her. “The last robbery was a fuck up. That fucker at the port set a trap.” I had passed her, pulling off my stained t-shirt. “The FBI is going to storm through that door anytime now, Hanna. We have to leave the country, baby.” I had added, grabbing a clean t-shirt and putting it on.
“I’m not going, Dominic.” Hanna had replied, her hoarse voice held no emotion. I froze, motionless, and turned my head to look at her.
Hanna was just standing there, her arms resting at her sides. She looked at the floor for a few seconds where my stained t-shirt lay, and then back up at me.
“What!” I had asked, blinking in shock, locking eyes with her. That shadow of guilt was so visible that it almost clouded the brightness of her gaze and I felt my heart skip a beat.
“You’re not gonna make it, Dominic,” Hanna swallowed hard and took a step backward. “You have been playing a dangerous game with people that don’t like to lose their money, baby, and you already lost two of your best friend today. I’m not going to lose you, Dominic.”
“What are you talking about?” I had asked, completely puzzled, confusion all over my face.
“The FBI is already here. I’m an FBI undercover agent, Dominic and you’re my target.” She said, her eyes flickering to mine.
Her words had kicked me in the chest with such force that I had felt as if the air was knocked out of my lungs and without thinking, I had rushed to her, grabbing her shoulders. Hanna gasped slightly and her eyes grew wide, to stare at me.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Hanna?” I asked through clenched teeth, my grip tightened around her upper arms, which made Hanna hiss in pain. She shut her eyes for a second and cleared her throat.
“The house will be surrounded by SWAT in minutes, Dominic. They will kill you before you reach the front door.” She whispered hoarsely, opening her eyes, looking at me. “Please, baby, don’t do nothing stupid, Dominic, there’s no way out. You have to face what you did.”
I fixed my gaze on her eyes, those beautiful green eyes, grayish sparks around the pupils, my eyes pleaded with Hanna’s for any sign that she was bullshitting me.
It felt as if I couldn’t breathe at all. I panted; my heart beat so fast that I thought I would have a heart attack. My brain was busy trying to process her words, as I searched for an explanation that made sense of the turmoil I felt, to the chaos I was immersed in when realization dawned.
Hanna had lied to me, she had betrayed me, and she had betrayed my love. We had spent endless hours making love to each other, showing our deepest feelings and emotions and all the time she had been pretending. NO! She hadn’t been pretending, Hanna was in love with me, I was completely sure. I had looked into her eyes and they didn’t lie to me, she loved me as much as I loved her.
I had wanted to die and silent tears had rolled down my cheeks when I realized that in spite of all the unforgettable moments we had shared, she betrayed me and I was unable to hate her more than I loved her.
All of sudden, I heard noises and turned my head fast to the side. There were at least ten guns pointed at me. I swallowed hard and looked back at Hanna.
Her eyes brimmed with unshed tears, full of guilt and pain, and slowly I released her, and moved backward, never taking my gaze off hers. I took a ragged breath and I lifted my wrists.
Hanna frowned, puzzled, and I could see the confusion reflected in her eyes. I blinked against my blurry vision and extended my arms.
“You do it, Hanna, nobody else,” I whispered, swallowing hard.
Hanna had tensed every muscle in her body, as she slowly nodded ‘no’, tears sparkling in her eyes.
“No…” she had breathed. “Don’t make me do it, Dominic, please, no…” Hanna trailed off, and shook her head.
I shut my eyes tightly and took one more step in her direction; I heard the noise of the guns, releasing their safeties. I froze, motionless, and locked eyes with her.
“Hanna, if you really love me, you won’t let anybody else do it.” I had said in a strangled voice. “Here is your target, Hanna, do your job.” Hanna clenched her jaw, swallowed hard and pulled out her handcuffs as she closed the distance between us.
“Dominic Alfredo Toretto, you’re under arrest,” she said as she cuffed my wrists, tears spilling down her cheeks.
End Flash Back
The guard moves to my side as I lift my hands. He takes off the handcuffs and without another word, he left the room, closing and locking the door at his back.
Hanna sighs heavily as she shakes her head slightly almost as if she was clearing her thoughts with that simple action.
We are alone. This room is like the ones for conjugal visits. It’s sound proof and there aren’t any cameras. What it means is that nobody can hear us or watch us.
I want to tell her a lot of things but I don’t know exactly where to begin, so I keep silent, narrowing my eyes, trying to put some order on my thoughts.
She’s still looking down and I’m starting to suspect she doesn’t want to look at me. I don’t know why and I’m not sure about my motivations, but I’m giving silent thanks to God for that fact. I’m praying for her to not look up, to not look at me. I’m scared. Scared about what I’m going to see if I look at her eyes.
I’ve been staring at them for a whole year in their printed version, wishing to see them again in reality, and now, I’m scared to death to see those green eyes with their grayish sparks around the pupils.
Last time I stared at Hanna’s beautiful eyes, they were holding my gaze, showing guilt and pain. If I find those same emotions still reflecting in them, I figure I’ll feel a little better, knowing that her guilt is still consuming her. That’s what I’m expecting to see, but I’m even more scared because I’m not sure about my own reaction if what I see sparkling in those eyes is another feeling.
Hanna takes a deep breath, exhaling the air slowly as she throws the cigarette to the floor, putting it out with her heel. She’s still looking down and I can feel the tension radiating from her body. It’s like a heavy invisible veil. For anybody else it would pass unnoticed, but I know Hanna and my suspicion grows stronger. We haven’t seen each other in a year, but there’s no one around who knows us better than we know ourselves.
Hanna doesn’t want to look at me either. Maybe she’s scared too about what she’s going to find in my gaze, in my eyes. My dark brown chocolate eyes, as she used to refer to them. Sorry, baby, but you have no other choice. You told me to face my actions, now it’s your turn, Hanna. Lift your head and look what you did to me.
A dead silence lay upon us and suddenly the room seems smaller. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my heartbeats in time with Hanna’s breath. One year we’ve been separated from each other but we can synchronize our breathing in seconds. Just like when we made love. I wonder if she realizes that fact.
“Dominic.” She whispers.
I almost jump out of my skin at the sound of my name in her voice. There’s no sign of coldness. I figure the act she put on for the guard is over, but I wonder if she’s going to put on another one just for me. I stiffen slightly on my chair as my hands close in fists of their own will.
I want to correct her, I want to tell her that she’s not allowed to say my full name anymore, but I can’t do that. My God, why Hanna? Why are you doing this to me? Why now?
I always loved how my name sounded in her deep hoarse voice; no one is able to say it the way she does. I lost count of how many times I heard her whispering my name in my ear, while I was making love to her. Always caused the same effect on me and it still does now. I shudder, trying my best to hide it from her, but I’m not sure if I succeeded.
“Hanna.” She tenses as soon as I say her name. I clear my throat, standing to my feet. “Why are you here?” I already know the answer, but I need to hear her confirming my suspicions.
“You put me on your visitor’s list.” She answers, still not looking at me.
I chuckle sadly. I almost forgot her ability to avoid a direct question. Hanna always answers, but she’s not saying anything if she doesn’t want to.
Indeed, I had written her name on my visitor’s list, knowing in advance that she didn’t need to appear there to come to visit me.
I frown slightly, cursing myself silently. I know what’s coming. My question is going to backfire.
“Why did you write my name, Dominic?” She asks me as she moves backward, leaning back against the wall. Then she raises her head, fixing her gaze on the ceiling of the room.
I’m still wondering why I did that. I’m still trying to find a reason. Her voice pulls me out of my little internal turmoil, giving me the answer to that question.
“You were expecting that Hanna, your woman, would come to visit you and not Hanna, the FBI agent.” She clears her throat and sighs hard.
I frown deeply, hearing her words as I give a step toward her. Suddenly I’m tired of this shit. I want answers and I want them now, but more than anything else, I want one thing.
“Look at me, Hanna.” I can’t help it but my voice sounds colder than I had expected. Hanna tenses even more, closing her hands into fists and slowly, she lowers her head.
As soon as our eyes meet, I notice the dark shadows under hers. She seems tired. More than tired, she seems exhausted. As if she hadn’t slept in days, maybe even weeks.
Hanna always had trouble sleeping. She even confessed to me that she was developing an addiction to sleeping pills until I slept with her for the first time. Hanna said she only could sleep deeply if I was holding her; she could relax completely if she could feel my chest pressed against her back. That was one of the reasons why I started to spend night at her place instead of at my house with the team and Mia.
Her eyes are still as beautiful as I remembered them, but there’s something missing. There’s no trace of her brightness. The shadow of guilt is still there and the pain is even more visible. I wonder if she’s in hell. What made those green eyes look so sad? Is it me or is it something else?
I curse silently, letting out the air I realize I’ve been holding with a heavy sigh. Behind the guilt and the pain, I notice what I feared. Her eyes can’t lie to me. I need to keep my mind clear. I desperately need to stay focused, otherwise…
I bet Hanna can feel the tension building inside of me because she clears her throat and plunges.
“Sign the deal, Dominic.”
I shut my eyes tightly as a deep growl escapes my lips. All of sudden I’m pissed off with her and with myself, but silently I give thanks to her. She’s helping me in some way to clear my mind, not letting my feelings cloud my reason, to stay focused in business.
“I’m not gonna sign the fucking deal.” I retort through clenched teeth. “It’s the privilege of being an inmate. You might be several steps over the guards in the fucking chain of command, but I can do whatever the fuck I want, just like you. I’m already locked in prison.”
Hanna blinks as she moves forward, closing the distance between us and unconsciously, I take a step backward. I don’t want her so close to me. Not now.
“I already told your pals what the FBI could do with their fucking deal; don’t make me repeat those words to you.” I hiss, narrowing my eyes.
Hanna takes a deep breath and holds my gaze.
“We’re just pawns in their game, Dominic.” She whispers, keeping the physical distance with me. The distance I put between us.
“No, baby, you are a pawn in their game. I was a pawn in your sick game, Hanna. You” before I can finish my line, she cuts me off.
“That’s not true and you know it. I was saving your life.” She replies fiercely, her gaze never leaving mine.
“The fuck you were, Hanna. You lied to me; you made me believe that you were in love with me. You’re just a cold heartless bitch.”
Hanna gasped as her eyes opened wide and in one fast move she close the distance between us, stopping right in front of my face, invading my personal space.
“I never lied to you, Dominic.” She hisses, but her voice is tinted with pain.
Maybe I’m hurting her, but right now, I want to pay her back for what she did to me and I’m determined to reach my goal.
“Of course, Hanna. It’s my fault that I didn’t ask you who you were before we fucked.”
As soon as my words left my mouth I regret them but it’s too late now and I can’t stop myself even if I wanted to. When Hanna replies, her voice is full of pain and her eyes are brimming with unshed tears in seconds.
“I never fucked you.” Hanna swallows forcefully, her throat muscles clenching.
I’m out of control and suddenly I don’t care if I’m hurting her. I feel adrenaline running through my veins and I’m enjoying my little victory over her. It seems that I also know how to shut people up, how to use their weakness against them. I guess I learned from the best. So, without give a second thought, I plunged.
“Oh, sorry. I already forgot. We never fucked; we always made love, huh, Hanna? Problem is that to make love you actually have to love the person, if not it’s just a fuck.”
Her eyes are flickering to mine and I’m sure my words hurt her more than if I actually hit her. The guilt isn’t there anymore, but the pain is sparkling with such intensity that I’m the one hurting.
“You don’t need to be cruel with me, Dominic.” Hanna whispers in a strangled voice. It’s just an inaudible murmur. I can hear her because we are nose to nose.
I look at her eyes and there’s only pain. Hanna blinks and tears fall silently.
“What? Am I hurting you? Fuck you! You hurt me as well. You put me in prison.”
I feel my heart clenching painfully at the sign of her tears. My god, I can’t stop myself. I’m hurting her and I have what I wanted. And now, I want to die, staring at her eyes. There’s nothing there, they are empty.
Hanna shakes her head and when she looks at me again, I see her cold gaze flashing at me.
“No, you put yourself in prison. I wasn’t the one stealing shit from trucks with my pals.” Her voice is emotionless, hard and cold. “You didn’t know shit about what was inside of that truck. I saved your sorry ass, Dominic.”
Hanna is all business again, determined to kick me where it hurts the most, directly to the sweet spot and I know she’s not going to show any mercy. Not that it’s unexpected either at the end, I just killed her with my words.
“You were living your pathetic excuse of a life surrounded by a hell of a lot of people who were dancing in the palm of your hand, adoring you as if you were a living God.” She says, moving backward, increasing the distance between us. “Respect, you said. They respect me, Hanna, you said. Where the fuck are they now, all those little shits that spent their time racing cars, avoiding getting caught by the cops and drinking their asses off in your parties, Dominic? Where the fuck were those friends of yours when your life was in danger, baby?”
I notice the sarcasm in her voice. She’s not going to back up an inch and I’m fighting back the impulse to shout at her to shut up, but I close my hands into fists and turn my back to her.
“I feel alive when I’m racing, Hanna. During those ten fucking seconds or less, I’m alive, Hanna. Those were your words, but you didn’t know shit about what you were getting into. You thought you were a tough guy because you had beaten the shit out of some asshole. Nobody messes with Toretto, huh? Well, nobody messes with the FBI, Dom.”
I shut my eyes tightly when I hear her calling me ‘Dom’ instead of ‘Dominic’. I wish my dad hadn’t taught me to respect all women. God forgive me because I’m fighting the urge to hit my own woman. I grit my teeth so tightly that it’s painful and my nails are digging into my palms.
“Did you think you could go long, fucking around with the FBI? I begged you to leave the country. I pleaded with you not do that last job, to cross the border with your team and Mia. But, no. You didn’t listen to me. Did you think about why I was asking you to do that?”
I can’t stand it anymore, so I turn around to face her. She’s crying, her face stained with tears.
“I don’t fucking care!” I raise my voice, rushing to her. Hanna’s eyes open wide as she gasped slightly. “You used me! You lied to me! You betrayed ME! YOU BETRAYED MY LOVE!” I shout as I grab her shoulders, tightening my grip. She shut her eyes, hissing in pain but she doesn’t ask for help. Hanna just holds my gaze as she swallows hard.
“I had no other choice, DAMNIT!” I push her back, trapping her against the wall.
“Whatever.” I mutter through clenched teeth, nose to nose with her.
We are so close to each other that we are sharing our breath. I feel the heat of her body against mine; her heart is racing inside her chest. I close my eyes, inhaling deeply in her scent. This time I don’t regret my action.
“Dominic….” Hanna breathes, her lips caressing mine when she speaks. “I had no other choice. It was that or death….your death.”
I shut my eyes tightly, fighting to keep control of my body as I bent my head slightly, making our foreheads press together.
“I hate you, Hanna,” I whisper, swallowing hard. “I hate you with all my heart and soul.”
I notice her hands, caressing my cheek. That soft touch, almost imperceptible. Damn! I want to beat the shit out of her. I want to kiss her; I’m dying to kiss her.
“Too bad for me then, because I love you with all my heart and soul, Dominic.” Hanna replies, tilting her head back a bit, locking eyes with me.
I move my hands from her shoulders and bury them in her hair, releasing it from the bow. Hanna tilt her head to both side and her hair falls free upon her shoulders, never taking her gaze off mine.
“Hanna….tell me something.” I say, not even noticing that I’m stroking her hair. I’m tired of this game of ours. I want to know if she lied to me after we made love for the first time, but I didn’t have the strength to ask her directly.
“Since that morning I didn’t lie to you, Dominic, not even once.” Hanna answers my silent question. Sometimes words aren’t necessary.
“Hanna…I’m gonna make you pay for what you did to me, baby, you know that, don’t you?”
She looks at me, her eyes showing a deep sadness. I feel uneasy. That deep sadness is sparkling at me with such intensity that my heart skips a beat, probably to match hers.
“What makes you think that I haven’t already paid, Dominic?” She answers, sighing hard, closing her eyes as fresh tears roll down her cheeks. “I swear to God that I’ll regret what I did to you for the rest of my life, but this is not the place or the time for that shit. Now, sign the deal.”
“Hanna, you know I can’t do it. You more than anyone else knows what that means to me…. to you. Reynaldo is poison, Hanna. He’s not only a dangerous fucker; he’s a sick bastard. I’m not going there again and you better not either.”
I’m whispering, my full lips pressed against her ear. Hanna tenses every single muscle in her body as a soft moan escapes her lips. I grin, knowing what my soft touch is doing to her. I made her cum once just nibbling, licking and sucking her ear while we were in a club, celebrating my birthday. I wonder if I still can do it.
“I had no choice, Dominic. I had no other fucking choice.”
Her words pull me back to the present moment, letting go of her completely. I’m pissed off at hearing her say that.
“Fuck, Hanna! What’s wrong with you, woman? Have you got a death wish?” I ask, frowning deeply as I rub my forehead
“Yes, Dominic. I want to die!” Hanna retorts fiercely. I blink, shocked by her words, staring at her as if she sprouted a second head. “I wanted to die the day you made me cuff your wrists. I wanted to die the day I heard the jury’s verdict. I wanted to die the day I lost….” She cuts herself off, biting her lower lip.
I narrow my eyes in suspicion. That deep sadness is again there.
“I’m looking at you, here, locked in Lompoc, knowing what this place is doing to you, Dominic….please, sign the fucking deal, please…”
“Hanna” I shake my head ‘no’ and look away. “I’m not a rat, Hanna. I’m not signing shit.” I hiss, feeling my heart skip a beat.
“Dominic…” Hanna said, moving forward, stopping in front of me. I lift my head to look at her. “Help me,” she whispers softly. My eyes flicker to hers and I know I’m lost.
“Hanna…”
“Call William and you’ll be out in 24 hours. I’ll see you then.”
Chapter 4